Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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