i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
