Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have aggressive nipples.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
