I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
