Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
