the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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