I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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