Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
