my phone needs a breathalizer
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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