I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
