she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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