The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
