4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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