I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Soap is not a condiment
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
