Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
