i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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