that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
