He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
