a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
