All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
