My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
