I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
