Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
