Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
