I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
