I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
