When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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