so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
