My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
