Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
