The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
