somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
