i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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