He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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