Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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