your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
