My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
