Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
