i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
