there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
