Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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