well I can't set my house on fire every night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm like, not good at living.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
