um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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