I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
