I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
