6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
