I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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