Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
