imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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