and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
