I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's always time for handjobs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
